Blatant Reality

It seems that the environmentalists are grasping at anything to peg on global warming with the latest being a study suggesting global warming will cause more kidney stones. Since it seems that environmentalists are running out of ideas of how to scare people, I have decided to lend a helping hand. Here are some of my ideas that environmentalists can use to scare people with:

• Global Warming will increase shark attacks due to people wanting to cool off in the ocean on all those warm days.
• Island home prices will fall due to the fact that they will eventually be located beneath the sea.
• Piranhas will become the newest member of invasive species in the Northern Hemisphere to due our rivers becoming warmer and thus more hospitable.
• We will have an epidemic of ‘brain freezes’ due to people constantly drinking 7/11 Slurpies and eating Dippin’ Dots to cool off.
• We will see an increase in Alzheimer’s disease due to more people having to use deodorant.
• Ice will become a commodity worth more than gold and World War IV will be fought to see who will gain control of Antarctica. (WWIII will have already determined the new owner of Greenland)
• Global warming will bring about an increase in boating accidents in flooded areas like Florida and lower Manhattan.
• There will be an increase of injuries at ski resorts due to less snow which will force people to resort to ‘mud skiing’ instead.
• Respiratory problems will increase due to people opting to stay indoors and use air conditioning rather than opening windows or leaving their buildings.
• It will increase drunk driving accidents due to people wanting to ‘grab a cold one’ to cool down before heading off to little Billy’s swim meet (the only outdoor sport left where athletes can compete without getting heat stroke in a sweltering world).

I mean, if we are going to pretend that kidney stones (which the article itself states can largely be solved by drinking more liquids) are a major problem associated with global warming, the ones I listed above aren’t too far fetched either.

What are some of your ideas that Environmentalist can use to jump aboard the Global Warming Hysteria bandwagon?